A good leap of faith

Hello friends,

A million butterflies flutter in my heart right now by taking this leap of faith and sharing my modest world with you.

I learned about the concept of vulnerability from Brene Brown many years back listening in awe to her TED talk on vulnerability as many of you I am sure did as well. Someone was taking this subject full on.

At that time the “goodness of vulnerability”, not to mention “the power of vulnerability” stirred up a lot of confusion in my conditioned mind and heart( in that order at that moment). Would that ever work because for what I could sat so far - it was mainly “the pain of vulnerability”. It brought confusion mainly to my mind and yet I could feel a feather of enlightenment into my heart.

I was brought up in keeping “the weaknesses” to myself, in blocking my own enthusiastic and trusting expressions or emotions so I do not get hurt, in “holding up love so I do not get misunderstood or used even”. All the stories we built up in our head with every life dissapointment so we can build up walls around us to “fortify” and “be”strong”.

I then pursued to read Brene Brown’s work and was looking for every new book feverishly.I was marked and I have been reminded many times afterwards in a very very good and changed in many ways by “The Power of Vulnerability”. I still go back to her wisdom here and there. I have resonated a lot and I have also seen so many fruits. At that time, when I have listened first time to her I wanted to kick of a new self discovery journey and understand how to practice, how to take this into real life and be present with it. Accept it and embrace it.

Brene Brown TED talk

What I would hope that I understood well is that being authentic and being your own person and! believing in yourself is a huge gift. It also leads to” the glue of vulnerability” bringing us closer to the people who truly cherish our authenticity.

I have then started from a sort of ground zero again being myself at maybe a crossroads of identity and representation far far away from my roots. I have started by by finding building blocks to put myself together first, build up a foundation that hopefully I could make it solid, feeling my roots right there with me too and you know, just build up step by step my authentic self. To liver up to the courage and show up the way I remember myself to the core.

The cute butterflies in my heart I still present and is like I can now almost see their colours… earthy tones this morning with the September equinox. Hues of terracotta, darker greens…My intention here is first and foremost fo keep learning.

And I do that by sharing my vulnerabilities, my strenghts, my stories of courage, my stories of resilience, my stories of love both received and given, my stories of laughter with the very humble humble hope that might be helping someone with their own journey, or day or moment when they need to hear “you are not alone”.

I see that so many of us are searching for something deeper or sometimes just an answer, a spotlight onto something and when we search and when we keep our intention clear we might also find, we get the answer, we do receive that deeper connection. It could be different that we might have imagined -as we know it sometimes. And let us not be discouraged, let us all pay attention.

It might be a song.It might be a singer that shows us so many ways to love ourselves back and always trust in ourselves. I have discovered Jon Batiste songs this way,very random and his speech of an award acceptance are there with me till this day. We might search for something and our answer might be a song. A message a melody right there.I have also discovered his longtime partner and wife Suleika Jaouad and her wonderful book “Between Two Kingdoms”. One example of how beautiful vulnerability can truly be. It touches many souls in corners of the world no one even expected there was even an audience- an audience connecting deeply.

As it happens and I just realized now.I was literally between two “realms” when I have read the book. I have changed my life style completely and was going though a major transition living temporarily in my generous friend’s home not even knowing at the moment where I will live next.

Between Two Kingdoms

I will now circle back to what I have touched on earlier - my roots. Rediscovering my roots is also worth saying it out loud means honouring my roots.Literally honouring my parents, honouring my grandparents, my brother and his family, my cousins and their kids, my country, my school and its teachers, my villages I have spent my school holidays in,the large community I have been brought up into. It took a minute to get to this moment and I took a rerouting as in The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. I have loved my poeople always but the minute I was talking about is was about when I hit around 30 rounds around the sun. It took me this minute long… to start to feel my roots deeper, to feel the blueprint is still part of my learning. And there were few more minutes to add to that by now. Thank you dear family.Thank you.

Today I also honour my nieces Teo and Alexandra. They brought back to us “I love you” said out loud. Our parents showed this deeply but not exactly using this very words. Out loud. Say it yourself to someone “I love you”.

I made a promise to myself few years back when Teo parted with us and went on to another realm that I would do something new to mark this day.That I would start something new. Once I have visited I new place as if I would show her around. Some other year I would choose a comedy and spend the day with kids laughing and playing. We would also have a good meal with people around as this is customary in my country .We share food and love. We share love through food. All this week I craved salads because this is what she wanted me to cook during her last summer with us.

I have chosen today to take this leap of faith and write. To show up my full colours and hues and many more new nuances we are here to unravel.

I have always loved writing. It was my natural go to place to pay attention,to note ,to make sense, to be seen,to talk about my own steps or misteps. Most of the times it was about making sense.

Teo also loved writing and her pen led here always to poetry. We will hear that more later. I also honour this new challenge this way.

Thank you for listening and I hope to see you again next Sunday morning.

Loving light and flowers