Almost ancient memory

This book. Gifted to me by my friend. Always adding significance layers to it when someone loves something and takes it and shares it with you.

I have started on the plane yet falling asleep too soon, I kept it in the corner of my mind and have kept winking at it everyday when coming back home. This weekend with the clouds and the coziness of the colder weather has suddenly offered me the opportunity to grab a warm blanket and dive into its majesty of such a masterpiece.I went through it with the eagerness of a young kid discovering books for the first time.

This letter is literally “off-the-press” sort to speak since I just finished reading it couple of hours ago. My mind took me thousand places. The stories in the book, so masterfully interconnected, took me back to stories that I have once listened from the village elderly women when visiting my grandparents.

Geography had no meaning at all. Borders did not exist anymore as almost everything was so relatable. We all know the deja-vu feelings we get at times. This form of deja-vu for me meant so much more.It kept me wondering and noting in my mind :”How close were our ancestors? “.

Every turn of the page, left me with this buzz of my very own balcanic roots revived in a very twisted way. If I have to name this raw impressions coming back to me while writing that would be: “haz-de-necaz” ( “make fun of trouble” as literal as that can be), sarcasm as a coping mechanism, acceptance of what is, boldness and wild awakening, societal pressures, standing up for oneself, angels do exist, guilt and shame stigmas, women as objects, aunts and friends are there to support in endless ways, masculine pride and survival instincts, goodness seen as annoying innocence but also as stupidity ( a harsh archetype) in the world of a village. The strongest raw impressions though among all is the breathless punch I have felt in my stomach at the reality of life. The mix of sorrows and joys, the mix of hope and loss, the brutality of life events that can twist a peaceful life followed by the counter twist of gentleness, companionship, a sense of knowing whom to love and when. A fated sense of knowing whom to offer the very revival with the vibrant part of life. The story follows the story of four women connected by a thread that joins their life as a lightning in a way, Simon.

There would be so much to say. And I could not find yet an English version of the book to come up quickly with few quotes to reach out to your hearts.

The stories are so masterfully told. It is hard at times to remember where we all started and here is Simon again, showing up and changing everything. This of course, will be diminished interpretation.

I have wondered often when my mother starts naming villages and names of relatives I probable would never remember next year, how does she do it. It is the life lived of course and the miracle of our brains I assume that have special deposits for interesting stories. At any celebration, a wedding or baptism for example, or at any funeral on the other hand, these stories of our ancestors keep popping up. An elder aunt joins in and suddenly throws in stories that make our heart stop. An uncle descends and reminisces about hardship stories on how they left their native village and came first time to the town in the area to look for a job. A lot of stories told a similar pattern of leaving with the promise of a better gain in a far away town.Far away from the roots.

As a short reference, there is this little story in the book, where few college girls have discovered the coffee beans for the first time and they have tried to simmer a turkish coffee without asking anyone how to do it.You might imagine that the result was quite disappointing for them as beans will not dissolve in the water. The story made me laugh in tears. There must have been in our lives so many trials where we did not ask for help simply because of pride, shyness, ignorance or at times arrogance that we can figure it out on ourselves. This was one of these examples. It might seem insignificant now when the coffee culture surrounds us everywhere and we all might now what a coffee beans is. You might still not know what Turkish coffee is, or you might not know that in some cultures they hold a sugar cube in between the teeth and sip coffee this way. There is always something that we did not know, isn’t it?

Reading this book gave me trouble to remain anchored in the village described here as the center stage. It was almost as I always felt transported outside of these Armenian borders and made me overlook the fences, the gardens, the houses in the villages of my grandparents in Romania. And the reason being exactly this universality of the language, the lack of response to life at times, the leaving and coming back, and mostly a very deep acceptance of what is. A deep acceptance taken many times to a level of self-sacrifice. A trace that I carry in my DNA and I tend to fight against it at times I would say. A subject that seems to grow bigger by the day in my heart, for sure. Much bigger that I could find and summarise in this note.

Most of the times, witnessing these women vicissitudes of fortune, one can feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude. Not that we never been there or nothing bad has even happened in out lives, in spite of this, in spite of all the mountains and the valleys, gratitude for our balcanic resilience perhaps. The refreshing enormous power of starting over and over and over again. Like any new day. Sometimes with miraculous help of all people around us. Sometimes, simply on our own, digging deeper and deeper in a bottomless fountain of strength.

I would say that much : Thank you dear friend for introducing me to the insightful world of Narine Abgarian. While always trying to understand more about my roots, this masterpiece has offered me a great service. I have felt so close to all characters: Susanna, Eliza, Sofia, Silvia, Melania and Vardanuș. Even the mysterious “crazy” neighbour ”Unnamed”.

I would dare to translate on my own a brief description of Simon, the central thread in our book: “Simon not only that warmed her soul. He also had that very rare comforting quality, available only in children and elderly: the phantoms of the past were suddenly disappearing in a very inexplicable way in his presence, and with a single touch he could make her heart calmer and all the worries to vanish.”

As his character is far from a perfect or ideal human, if we have to judge by the societal norms either then or now, it is remarkable to understand the magnitude of his role. The role of someone who could twist these vicissitudes towards better days perhaps, without even knowing or assuming this role.

You know you do have to read the book once you find it translated into your language hopefully sooner than later.

As it happens I have came across this sutra that connected in a mysterious way the characters above with me, with you and the entire universe. All with the purpose of realizing our own nature through embodiment.

“Tasting dark chocolate,

A ripe apricot,

A luscious elixir -

Savour the expanding joy in your body.

Nature is offering herself to you.

How astonishing

To realize this worlds can taste so good.

When sipping some ambrosia,

Raise your glass,

Close your eyes,

Toast the universe.

The Sun and Moon and Earth

Danced together

To bring you this delight.

Receive the nectar on your tongue

As a kiss of the divine. “

From “The Radiance Sutras” by Lorin Roche.

Thank you dear readers and I hope my words can have the same effect of a calmer presence throughout your day or week ahead.