Beginners

Random acts of hearing and seeing. What do you notice?

I was marked by the word “solid” past week. The grounds, my environment felt finally solid after travelling. Yet. There is a yet. The moment I said it out loud, it gave me jitters. How many times have I used that word before? Not much to be honest. I kept its fragility and placed the word on an invisible scale alongside “impermanence”.

This visual effect is powerful. It turned into the anchor of the week. It helped me when all cards went off in the air and at first sight, so many things did not seem too “solid” at all. A combustion happened. A spark was there to ignite the flames of impermanence, to create a bigger motion than anticipated.

What did I hear. Perhaps too many words per second. The spark ignited too many conversations. The more I talked and showed confidence in my reasoning, the more I distanced myself. Too complicated. “Will be back tomorrow. Catching a breath”.

And tomorrow revealed itself with a new label “Take it slow”. And I listened.

What did I hear “confusion”, “I have no idea” , “let’s see”.

Coming back to my sanctuary to recharge, I was once again, in the span of couple of hours only, faced with change. My eyes hurt to look for the changes. Nothing devastating and it has already turned into a funny story, that would be retold for years to come. I am only registering this perfect mirror that reflected how changes sync perfectly, wherever I might be. “Perfect mirror” it is a very large statement. All I saw were changes. And Pluto just entered Aquarius- the planet of all things transformation. I hear that.I see that. I noticed that.

On the flip side, it means that all is alive. Nothing is static. All my neurons are activated, searching for new matches.I simply chose “Yes”.

The only turnaround I have yet to find was to move around few plants, that is I am talking about my own space aka sanctuary. The message received was more along this simple instructions “Yes, follow the light” “Elevation needed”.

And … once again, “Impermanence”. Saying “Yes” to impermanence.

I have to add, just to clear out right away. It is not easy. I am not even close to a zen model to anyone. I take all in and might ponder occasionally over all that has happened in that one day. Occasionally being the key word. As long as there is no resistance at all, even this impermanence settles.

Would that be anything I did not hear? Yes again. Things I did not like. I almost felt that the tiger paw that I can visualise so useful at times came to my rescue too. As if the path in the photo was omnipresent. There are the gates. Everything is open. The mountain behind. Holding it all with confidence. The beautiful fir trees protecting from the strong winds. It is all here. And while there is change there is also freedom.

What else did I hear. I hear the whispers of solitude. An unexpected gift so unplanned. And said “Yes” once again.

I hear someone instinctually seeing goodness in others and finding so much compassion for them. What I see how hard it has been to offer compassion back to herself.

I hear a painful story and I also hear “It is fine”. Then I can see another “perfect mirror” right there, right then. A reflection of my own actions.

So much rush to comfort everyone else with the words” It is fine”. “I am fine”.

My theory dear friends, behind the main strategy of hope, lies in perseverence. The constant act of creation. It is a calming manifest on its own. I keep at it. Brick by brick. Raising a new foundation. Even if sometimes we start anew. Brick by brick I turn the very act of impermanence back to “solid”. The spark I could easily imagine earlier on is now igniting my own foundation. Slow builder. As taught by the finest builders and luckily I have my own. She can see in a minute what is needed for a good foundation. She can see if something is not straight and as she says often ”What do we need? We need patience? Oh little girl, that I have plenty”

To leave you on a sweet nostalgic wave though, I chose an album by Haevn - Wide Awake”. The song “Beginners” is still on.Repeat.

Beginners, Haevn

Namaste….