Eric

I have found” Eric” while scrolling for a light,comforting series. Something that would distract me, let me fall asleep while watching, make me smile here and there and pretty much iron out my wrinkles gathered during the day. I did not know yet that I have found “Eric” because I had to.

There are books, movies, series, art that will pull you in with a tremendous force, not even knowing at first what is all about.

The main actor did trigger my curiosity too as I could rely deep down on his selection process, on his talent and delivery. I sensed by a weird internal “flinch” that it is worthwhile to dive into the mini series. We are talking about Benedict Cumberbatch. The description of the mini series was something like” Uplifting, Thrilling and Dark”.

You guessed well already, quite a bit of distance between what I was looking for and where my attention landed in the end. The “Dark” description did raise my eyebrows and I had to still consider to press the play button or not. I took a deep breath and comforted myself easily” it is OK, if you see you cannot handle it, you can just drop it”. It will not be the end of the world. Ever since I gave up having a TV at home, I practice a very selective watching and even so, I drop a long list of titles mid-way, or even just 10 minutes into it. Try it, by simply watching things on an iPad your engagement level with the screen is seriously reduced. I have noticed many benefits. My time has simply multiplied.

Let’s return to Eric.

And I will start with a disclaimer. This would not be a movie review. I relate more as I mention probably more often than not with what stays with me. What was that strong in there that spoke to my heart. The mini series would enter my short list of stories that I would recommend to anyone that is brave enough to look themselves in the mirror, brave enough to connect with the message, brave enough to go back in time and find traces of life that perhaps shattered us somehow. And resilient enough to watch it till the end. Is worthwhile.

I mention traces a bit earlier because also in a protective way we tend to skip a few steps here and there, we tend to perhaps tell us gently that we will think about it later, we tend to focus on the “tomorrow”. How many times have I told myself and others too, “it is alright, tomorrow is another day”.

I say traces because the stories that have shattered us most might not be that intense at this very moment in time.

In fact, it is not a trace that has been forgotten. In fact, when we watch something that moves us, we know that trace is a deep wound. And in whatever shape and form we still find it today, we remember it viscerally.

Eric will stay with me for some time.

The blue monster who is Eric by the way, started as a drawing. Started as a drawing turned into as imaginary friend, turned into refuge, turned into a little kid’s outlet to facing the monsters that might reside under his bed.

The strength we find in the creative arts, the shapes we chose to express our inner worlds, the impact and the timing of those messages it is a dear subject of my internal radar. I have started to uncover the story’s levels sinking in episode by episode deeper.I got immersed and hooked pretty fast and I have now starting to note the amazing nuances, the twists it took to reach there, the caliber of the delivery, the performance of the acting and all this punchy message was to me flawless. It was uplifting, it was thrilling and it was dark.

I would find many topics to deep dive into and yet, I do not wish to spoil anyone’s journey in meeting Eric and discovering your own message.

I would like to talk here about one only. The courage that kids have. The courage we had as kids. There will be blur lines in this article between kids as a general terms, myself as kid, myself as the kid in Eric, kids I have known or kids I have just met.

The force that sits inside of kids when faced with overwhelm. The intelligence they gather and the power of their decision to find their own agency. I find that so uplifting. The risk a kid could take is something that we might forget easily. Or we might not even consider possible.

It made me think of the story with the way the dogs sense of hearing is so much higher than the ones in humans. How a normal rain can become a twister in their world.

Perhaps kids mind the sound is amplified in a room that has suddenly no walls, where there are no boundaries left, where all mixes up together in a huge amalgam. An amalgam of overwhelm.

From the adult perspective, it might be just another discussion. I have heard many adults saying “it is ok, the kids are used to these discussions”. I wonder if the kid was ever asked how did that land with them. What drawings might have been then imagined? What kind of music they perhaps chose that day to create a new set of walls between what was in the kitchen and their room. The walls all becoming thin and useless.

There is noise and there is noise. There is the noise then and there is the noise now. I do not have the answer to motivate everyone, no doubt about that. I perhaps can answer for myself that the noise has not left. I can find it stored inside me somewhere. The motivating part is that I did grow into new aspects of reinterpreting the story. These new aspects of connecting with this mirror in the past, to this portal guide me now in saying “no” more often, saying” no” firmer.

I can understand now what can bring me to the room where the noise is amplified thousand folds. And walking away might not be a solution. Running might not be the way. The way might be re-generation. The way might be the seeds we chose to water. (This was not my wisdom, yet I guess I forgot whose concept was this. ). I will come back to you on this subject one day.

As kids we do not have these tools of coping developed yet. We do not discern between the seeds we want to water, and crops we want to grow, we do not discern perhaps much. We feel a lot. We take in a lot. We rebel. We create a storm from time to time.

I wondered on many occasions for the past perhaps 10 years where my agency that I have had as a kid vanished. How can I reach inside to the deepest wells and reconnect with it? Oh,I am still practicing various modalities to reconnect. It does work at times and yet, I also tend to forget what I was searching for later. Until I am reminded perhaps by external circumstances. My wish is to make it a practice to ask myself always - what would Madi do? . That is a good goal setting after watching this underground story.

Eric illustrated so well something that I was trying to map out for a long time now.

The blue monster was such a genius way to tell this story of what is going on in the mind of a kid. The outlets found, the risk to walk on very uncertain path. The anchors we find on our path and signal us safety in the midst of fear. The expression of gratitude, that can be this big hug out of nowhere.

It is an invitation to all of you after all to find the kid in you that stood up for his own agency.

May we always remember the miracle the kids bring in our life. May we always remember the utter strength that sits inside this enormous heart of a child. May we always remember how special their antennas are and how they see the world quite different than adults. May we remind ourselves to listen deeply, to pay attention deeply to their messages, to their expressions ,to their drawings, their poems. May we always remember their cues..all the signals they drop along the line. Their own personal map that is there for discovery if we take the time and truly listen.

Dear friends, few words of warning.This remains a dark movie. And it takes up on shocking stories that have to find the light as well. Shocking scenes as well. It is not an easy one to watch, yet as with all the deep wounds, they reveal the light. It made me feel a lot of gratitude for the protection I have been bestowed with in life even when the ride was new, was bumpy and was a bit lonely. That is what I call humbling.

If you can connect to your agency as a kid, you might be curious to reimagine the journey of growing up with a set of new eyes or a new body. Eric. The blue monster.

“Eric” trailer