How well informed are we about elder care and elder care mediation?
Two sharp and trained voices illuminate us on this episode of One Kind Voice podcast
Magdalena
7/30/2026
Dear Friends,
We meet again this summer, more often than anticipated and I can only say that I love it.
We live in an era bustling us with longevity life-span talks and all there is to make us live fuller lives for longer.That is happening as well, no doubt.
Alongside this, the elderly population is increasing at a mounting rate and there are so many services most probably not even invented yet, or able to service the needs of ageing. One of these services is called elder mediation.
This newsletter’s topic and the guests of our interview are challenging all of us with a very delicate subject, doubled by its complexity.
As you can hear us during this chat, we have been not only intrigued but we have been asked to rethink pretty much everything that we knew - past tense- about elder care.
We will be talking therefore here about this relatively recent subject of elder mediation and what that means, as well as the new organization founded by Winnie Chan and Lizzie Chan to educate everyone but also to educate health care professionals and other specialists with informed perspectives and tools through the HK Elder Care Academy.
Elizabeth Chan (Lizzie) is an advocate for building strong communities and has introduced us for years to businesses and amazing personalities and practices that we might not even know otherwise, unless we would partake in a particular topic or a specific industry. She has now added more skills to her belt and we are glad to hear that she became the first Asian accredited by the Elder Mediation International Network.
Elder Mediation International Network
Winnie Chan is a barrister, practising law in Hong Kong for decades, also specialising in elder mediation, undertaking training both in Canada and Australia.
Winnie candidly starts our interview by telling us the story of her father and the challenge she has been up to while she was taking care of him battling cancer. The internal conflict that we hear from caregivers is that even when communication and love exist, when otherwise healthy parents can have a good open conversation with their adult kids, during crises of illnesses and long-term battles, these patterns can be broken or hard to restore. The challenge then becomes focused around the dignity of an ill parent and the practice of daily kindness and compassion for both sides, while still doing the required things- offering medication, taking care of the health requirements, proper nutrition and starting an even more difficult discussion about what the “future” holds. How to get the family affairs in order, where would the best healthcare be provided- assisted living or at-home living, a lot of challenges that we might know from our experiences are very hard to approach and discuss.
We owe both Winnie and Lizzie so much by making accessible to us the emerging practice of elder mediation in Hong Kong, through building a good base in Hong Kong as well, through workshops and classes where we can all learn, as they are building a modular academy and I am sure that will be so much more in the pipeline.
Among the topics brought up to us, we find ourselves learning about the fact that mediation does not have to be approached only during a crisis or if there is a dispute.
It might generally be the adult kids that inquire and solicit such a service. The process has to be customized to the needs of the family. There is a specific design for such a process, from individual interviews to family gatherings and group discussions.
Any topic that we have introduced here can literally start a PhD thesis on its own merit, as I see it. There is so much behind every aspect of ageing, of later life practical issues to be taken care about. The elder mediation might start perhaps with settling the property details, and might then require so many skills that all evolve around family communication and agreement.
Mediation process, as we learn, is a fair process, in the sense that all parties have to speak in equal time slots, and everyone at the table has to be listened to, including the caregiver.
We touch on the sensible topic of elder abuse, and we learn that every country has (or has not) clear definitions and implementations around it, not even when it comes to the elderly who can be both abused and the abuser. An elder mediator in this case has to hone his or her awareness abilities to observe all details that are happening during a session, in order to evaluate and consider how to design an appropriate elder mediation process.
Everyone can have multiple expectations from mediation, and the mediator has to listen carefully, both actively and deeply, and be able to discern and suggest action courses accordingly.
We learn that statistically women are the caregivers in the larger majority of the cases, which means support financially as well as their families. Sadly, due to this aspect, the women are generally in less favourable financial situations as they age, in comparison to men.
We learn about gray divorce and the potential discussions, we learn about lifestyle changes, there are so many aspects that should raise a flag to all of us and start considering “Are we age-ready?” The Elder Mediation and Elder Law Academy has an age-ready snapshot test for us on their website to explore how ready you are for later life and I do encourage everyone to take it. Please share this with your friends and family that might be interested too.
There are bigger questions to ask as well - what is age, ageing and ageism? How is age served by the laws? What are the benefits that older adults can learn about? How is a city working around and what can be done? Because this is something we can all contribute even by giving a good thought and thinking ourselves of some processes or discussions that might have to happen. Who is ready for them, however?
Why so?
Because, as we learn from Winnie as well, having hard conversations -even with all good intentions and kindness, might still become a hardship.
I am glad to know that such a mediation specialized on elder care exists and we can learn even how to prepare ourselves for later life aspects that we might not even consider while health and everything is rolling just about well. Especially when healthy, we rarely think - what can go wrong and have I done everything to have my affairs in order.
It does start with us. The more we learn, the more we understand steps and tools we can then apply simply starting with ourselves.
One concept that got me thinking was “anticipatory grief”. I can sense it from ill people, I witness it with my own parents or other sick siblings. That is something that I would like to get training in order to learn how to handle.
It contains multitudes and it strikes in unexpected ways. It can show up in a form of anger at the most beloved people, because of the safety there is. It can show up as depression, sleep and lack of interest for the mundane. It can show up as overeating or eating too little, it can show as lack of sleep and restlessness. There is a lot to become aware of when we sit or try to take care of an elderly or a sick person.
This is where kind voices, compassion, pure love should ideally prevail and we should reach out to these tools first. What might happen in reality is that this “anticipatory grief” is quite contagious and we can all have it and share it, while losing our ability to counter act with enhanced kindness. At times, this kindness can become annoying equally and nothing really might work, except saying “yes”, “Ok”, “as you wish”. I think here every story and every case requires mountains of patience, and even detachment at times because this space of safety has to be guarded for the elderly too. They too have to maintain the decision power with dignity.
There is an answer in my language “we are not made of hay” (translated as “we do have a say”). It was not meant to rhyme, but here we are.
Lizzie has been so kind to recommend us further links and articles, that will be included in our separate newsletter. And also one book shared below.
This “comforting…thoughtful” (The Washington Post) guide to maintaining a high quality of life—from resilient old age to the first inklings of a serious illness to the final breath—by the New York Times bestselling author of Knocking on Heaven’s Door is a “roadmap to the end that combines medical, practical, and spiritual guidance” (The Boston Globe).
“A common sense path to define what a ‘good’ death looks like” (USA TODAY), The Art of Dying Well is about living as well as possible for as long as possible and adapting successfully to change. Packed with extraordinarily helpful insights and inspiring true stories, award-winning journalist Katy Butler shows how to thrive in later life (even when coping with a chronic medical condition), how to get the best from our health system, and how to make your own “good death” more likely. Butler explains how to successfully age in place, why to pick a younger doctor and how to have an honest conversation with them, when not to call 911, and how to make your death a sacred rite of passage rather than a medical event. This handbook of preparations—practical, communal, physical, and spiritual—will help you make the most of your remaining time, be it decades, years, or months.
Based on Butler’s experience caring for aging parents, and hundreds of interviews with people who have successfully navigated our fragmented health system and helped their loved ones have good deaths, The Art of Dying Well also draws on the expertise of national leaders in family medicine, palliative care, geriatrics, oncology, and hospice. This “empowering guide clearly outlines the steps necessary to prepare for a beautiful death without fear” (Shelf Awareness).
Link & Resources
Elder Mediation and Elder Law Academy
Free Online Tools and Resources
◆ Resources and games — English
◆ Resources and games — Chinese
Follow and Connect
◆ RedNote
Upcoming Workshop
Hong Kong’s New Advance Decision Law: Advance Medical Directives & Do-Not-Attempt CPR Orders
Live Zoom Briefing | Saturday, 1 August 2026 | 3:00–4:00 pm HKT
What happens if an older parent collapses at home, in hospital or in a care home — and the family disagrees about whether CPR should be attempted?
Hong Kong’s new law on Advance Medical Directives and Do-Not-Attempt CPR Orders comes into operation on 31 July 2026. It will affect how families, doctors, care homes and professionals approach some of the most difficult later-life medical decisions.
The Elder Mediation & Elder Law Academy, in collaboration with YaleWomen HK+Friends, will be holding a practical 1-hour Zoom briefing the next day:
🗓️ Date: Saturday, 1 August 2026
⏰ Time: 3:00–4:00 pm HKT
💻 Format: Live on Zoom
💵 Fee: HKD 250
Includes class recording and course materials.
With Winnie Chan, co-author of the forthcoming book Elder Mediation: Navigating Ageing with Dignity and Respect.
We will explain, in plain English:
🔹 what the new law means
🔹 what an Advance Medical Directive is
🔹 what a Do-Not-Attempt CPR Order is
🔹 why these are not the same as advance care planning
🔹 what families should discuss before crisis
🔹 what professionals need to understand
Please share with anyone who may be interested!
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