The beauty of you

Photo by stefan moertl on Unsplash

Hope. Vibrancy. Little moments. Timely encounters. Poems. Heart opening scenes. Coffee as the balm for the soul. Emotions.Tears and hugs. Being part of a multi layered universe. A word or a sentence you were just looking for. Strange witnessing. Out of body experiences. Nice or not so nice.Loving support abound. The truth in your heart.

The beauty of you.The beauty together.

Hello Sunday’s readers. I have missed being here as I was boiling all over inside me for not having enough soulful resources to share with you over this mornings’ break. Or rather I would say, there was a big melting pot happening at the same time inside me that I had to let it settle. Imagine a nice cup of coffee, the unfiltered one, the one we bring to boil either on the stove or with a machine, the Turkish coffee style, where you have to wait for the sediment to settle. This is what I have been doing for the past few weeks.

Christmases and New Years generate so much energy ,both diverse and also quite intense at time energy .I took a minute longer to myself. And I hope you did too. Somehow for some of us living in Asia for long time, we feel like being still in the old year and we are waiting for the second New Year passage. There is a passage between 1st Jan and whatever the date of the CNY might be where I have been settling and let go and also reformulate my vision board. My vision board of myself. Nothing big and fancy, no cork boards and pretty pictures this time yet a strong vibe inside me of where I stand. Where I chose to be true to myself. I sense that I get better and better at this exercise.

Sometimes I get to live through a life scene and feel its presence acutely, yet also observe the magnificent beauty of it all at the same time almost like watching a movie or directing a movie. My soul gets all warm and glowing inside imbued with gratitude almost like soaking myself in sunshine. Such a deep heart felt gratitude. (Side note, I still listen quite a bit to Jon Batiste’s song -“Worship”).

It is such a special moment. Nowadays I keep saying “Thank you” and name the ones in my life who are here in this particular moment that we create together, whom I get to love for it.Some of them might not even know how they touched someone’s life. The ones alive or the ones not here with us.The ones that I never met but whose maybe work of art, literature, poetry touch a deep sense of beauty and opened my heart. The ones who meant something for their generation. The ones who have courage to face adversity and stand by themselves and their families. The ones who still face micro-aggressions every day and they keep going with their head tall. We have so much inspiration around us and once we open our insightful eye and pores, there will be an infinite fountain of resources as accessible as we want to be. We can reflect ourselves in it.We can draw energy from it. We can feel that “WE GOT IT”.

And this is what I call our innate power to regenerate. To reinvent ourselves. I feel it deeply in my bones.

I read in one motivational notebook something along the lines :

Holding

Optimistic

Perspectives

Everyday

Can you see the key word emerging here? Can you relate to that? Do you feel strongly in your gut the call from HOPE?…..Hope maybe singing to you like Stevie Wonder: “I just called to tell how much I love you ,I just called to say how much I care, I just called to say I love you, And I mean it from the bottom of my heart,of my heart…, of my heaarrrrrt ….tah dah dah” ending on a very high note.

Uff…. Just listening now to it and reading its lyrics. A whole new rediscovery in itself. Here we are,snap! -another movie scene.

We carry on…… Scenes.Poems. Lines. Smiles. Moments that change our energy. Moments that save our day literally. Handwritten notes of care. Or handwritten post its. Laughter. Oh…that one! We carry on our drive to stand tall. Yes. This is all that is. We stand tall even if we might not have that sense for us … even if we felt a bit on a lower end of the slope…..We are the same tall ones. Seriously.

In my particular case, I love the way my memory works. Some things disappear from this hard-drive in an instant. Some things are embodied all over me. I can extract a story with almost minute by minute details and retell all the feelings not only the words. Sure, some stories might change and some stories we tell just ourselves. The ones to carry on are the ones that struck the chord of truth in us. This is how I see it.

My wish today is to share some of these privotal moments these past weeks , right from the melting pot carrying all that transformational energy inside of me.

1. Rituals. My friend values the ritual of friendship and connection as a constant, in a rhythmic way. This includes our “I will come with you at the pier “ -moment after our class together, late in the evenings on Fridays. We share a drink whatever that might be- a juice, a coconut water, a beer, a non-alc beer, some stories, we check in where we are at now, where we will travel next, she likes asking questions and plan in advance, I might stay away from it and just invite the spontanoues in “Oh, sorry cannot think of October trip yet …the year just started “ We laugh out loud. I also know that her planning will be beneficial anyway for me to. I also know I can rely on her sense of organising things when October will come she will be ready with all research. This ritual is about 20 minutes a week , in the weeks we can make it. If we cannot make it, we know we have it there- pinned in our soulful calendars! …. Beautiful line? Right :)

2. Poetry. I love poetry. I connect with people loving poetry. Old friends or new friends send me a poem from time to time. I keep returning to some of the poets all the time. Rainer Maria Rilke. Pablo Neruda. Nichita Stanescu. Old friends that make my heart stop in stillness and beauty. Danna Faulds is a newly discovered poet and I literally had to mark the entire first book I read by her. Also, got quite a bit excited and sent poems to my friends with all the holidays wishes.

KEEPING QUIET- PABLO NERUDA

Now we will count to twelve

And we will all keep still.

For once on the face of the earth,

Let’s not speak in any language;

Let’s stop for a second,

And not move our arms for much.

It would be an exotic moment,

Without rush, without engines;

We will all be together

In a sudden strangeness….

The egret of Mui Wo island…. Immovable in her patience waiting for the next flying fish maybe. Or just being…. Nothing to do on a beautiful quiet Sunday morning, dont’t you think …better still there and observe the horizon.

3. The scene on the ferryboat. Longer scene. Stay with me- is simply gorgeous!

My day starts well. Energized.Structured. Organized.I know well what project, pending whatever I have to complete,when,what to prioritize for me andothers,I made the plan earlier, step by step all goes well so far. ( Ah, little devil you” The Plan! “ ….Universe laughs )

Until it does not. I am not really work in a totally isolated bubble and interactions start pouring in, demands are piling up, the urgency and pressure equally builds up throughout the day. The plan falls apart, a new plan is created, the time is slippery, and interactions tense. Okay, readjust, get more coffees, blast music in my ears, zoom in, focus, page by page, create, generate, check, verify, tidy up- not perfection, but good to go. Mission accomplished. Breath in and out, out loud, out loud… I got this! . As I always do. Here I am when no one likes to do a task, here is your fixer handling last minute. I got 1 “thank you” out of 5 people with their own urgency. 1:5 ratio is all you need really, because it separates clearly the people who understand and effort and the ones who do not.

While I had to do what I had to do, I could see that sadly I had to postpone one of the most anticipated moments of the week for me. A scheduled call with a dear friend, different time zone, circumstances, a call we were both trying to fit for more than one month. And was so special in my heart. As I could only catch a much later ferry going back home I wrote a profusely apologetic message that I could only take the call after 9.30 pm my time and felt all the regrets overwhelming me. Along with the realisation of the frustration building up earlier day and yes, let’s name it plainly, the lack on consideration for so many who are only trained to say “I need this. Right now. “

A simple impression of the ferry. Is a much older frame. But I chose in on purpose.

It was already 8 pm and dark outside. Listening to a beautiful podcast by Adriana Trigiani and discovering a “new” -for- authour Jann Arden, pretty much a Canadian legend, singer, song writer, a full circle inspirational woman who put a phrase in my mind to carry on” That one drive” …follow that one drive.

So here I am on a slow ferry, moving in “ snail pace” , feeling sorry of missing the nice call I have dreaming about and now engaging in a new moment and luckily a gorgeous conversation.I do feel suspended in the air in these ferry trips, especially on the slow ones, where I can see myself part of a Wes Anderson movie. Now immersed in that present moment, anchoring myself,re-sourcing myself and picking up cues on writing, living, humour, believing in yourself…. Pretty much very helpful to also wash out all the frustration.

Suddenly a notification on my screen. My friend started the call. She must have missed my message earlier. Alright. It was meant to be. I pick up. Again profusely apologetic I share my video mentioning that I am on the ferry still and if that would be alright we can try to maybe chat for the time left here. Ok? Ok. Luckily not very crowded at that time in my case.

What follows is this:

We chatted a bit more. Moved to tears inside me by this special moment so valuable for ourselves trying to find that resource of self-compassion in the world.

The timing of it all. The sense of surreal, out of body experience and full embrace and welcoming of that special moment.

I was in awe. All that poor energy of earlier frustration all vanished in this simple divinely timed moment. We were connected on a bridge of inner transformation. We were transforming ourselves by sharing something that moved us deeply.

The few minutes we had built in such a punchy moment to carry on for decades to come. It sat deeply in my heart and in my gut and in my throat.

Somehow, out of nowhere,I could say out loud this” You know, one thing that keeps me rolling and always picks me up from whatever waters I am in, this very one thing is HOPE.I have a strong knack for HOPE. I believe in an unshakable way there is HOPE and GOODNESS and we GOT THIS.I resource myself from HOPE “

We chatted few more minutes only and my battery suddenly gave me another message - 1% left !!! “Ok, good bye for now. You transformed my day. So lovely to catch up. “

All this scene… it was meant to be just the way it was. In a Wes Anderson like movies. Or maybe we call it “Mes Manderson” …as we transform everything to start with M when we get to Mui Wo island :)) …..

Dear good friends.

That night I slept so deep and well.

The next day a new born joined our family back home…….. and the emotions kept coming with so much force and so much hope in the beauty of the world.

The coffee settled its sediment. The gratitude levels never been stronger.

Thank you….a bientot,

Lovingly,

Mag